Paper Topic:

love

Love and Codependency

2006

One of the most prominent among object relations theorists is Margaret Mahler believes that a newborn human infant has no personality . Rather the personality results from a developmental process she termed psychological birth ' The experience of oneness with mother , during the first symbiotic stage of the baby 's development , is the building block for the ability to form romantic love relationships . Psychological birth happens in stages between the ages of six months and three years When the child passes these stages successfully the result is the

first level of self-identity ' The process of separation-individuation ' continues throughout life and is notable especially in adolescence , marriage , and parenthood . A person who passes through this process successfully is a person with a differentiated personality capable of stable love relationships (Mahler 98-106 . In other words , in to be able to truly love and be intimate with another person , rather than some reflection of ourselves in that person we need to be individuated . All people struggle to achieve a balance between a need to be part of something larger than ourselves--a couple--and a need to be separate , a struggle between togetherness and individuation (Blatt Blass 17 . The level of differentiation ' that partners can achieve from their families of origin has a critical influence on the quality of their relationship . Actually , it can be said that if the early dyadic experience with mother is loving and warm the first and perhaps essential step toward a good marriage will have been taken (Dicks 37

What happens when the initial bond with mother is not warm and loving When the behavior of a parent is perceived by a child as rejection abandonment , or persecution , the child cannot give up or change the frustrating object ' that is the parent . The child deals with the frustration by internalizing parts of the loved /hated parent and attempting to control the parent in his or her inner world . The frustrating object undergoes various splits ' that are repressed and remain as unconscious introjects that become part of the individual 's personality structure (Givelber 171

The introjects include both the remainders of infantile needs and the parent 's response to these needs . The ego develops and gets organized around these introjects in different ways . The ego may develop a sense of inferiority and worthlessness , which reflects the baby 's helplessness , as well as a sense of grandiosity and omnipotence that reflects the baby 's perception of the parent 's omnipotence . The self develops around these unconscious introjects and both their extremes can be found in it . When the evidence for the presence of an introject of a grandiose self is seen in the arrogant and snobbish behaviour of a person , he one can safely assume that an introject of an insecure and inferior self that was repressed will also be found . A person who always feels taken advantage of and abused , in addition to the introject of a victim , is going to be hostile , aggressive , and destructive introject that...

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