college admission

CORRECTIONS FOR EDITING ESSAY

Dear student

I have written many of your sentences in a different way and have enclosed it separately . As far as possible , avoid the passive voice of the verb

Secondly , you must give more specifics about your unique strengths and experiences instead of too much of generalization . The focus must be on yourself , the positive lessons you learned in life , any important incident that made a lasting impact on you [in your impressionable age] , and you must subtly but forcibly point out your positive quality that will

come in handy in the course of your education and also your career

Your last sentence is slightly vague and it is in your interest to avoid it

All the best

Writer 7160

fill in the survey form and send it to the company

ESSAY 1 : Tell us more about yourself by providing information not addressed elsewhere on this application . In an essay of about 300 words describe your passions and special interests . In your opinion , what makes you unique

here is what i wrote

20th centruy , people say that it is the time when the new era where the globalization is occurring everywhere in the world . I would like to describe myself as the most well understood person of this situation at my age , because I literally experienced it though my life . I was born in korea . My father has influenced my life significantly . He is working for the world biggest heavy industry company . what he does at his work is to go places to negotiate to make a contract . Since I was little , from his long journey , he has always brought the presents from all over the world . More over , he likes to talk to me about what he had felt and saw His motto is experiencing is the best learning method . Thanks to my father , I would be able to travel and experience the people from other culture . About 4years ago , my father got in charge of the office in India and he thought that it would be much better for me to come with him to have a chance of living in a different culture . I took his advice left behind of all things in korea which most people would consider as their priority . 17 months of living in india was a turning point of my life . Mostly , it gave me a broad insight of the world . I joined the church group to volunteering that is helping the poor Indian people . In to mingle with them , breaking myself was the first thing I had to do . As I was struggle to find who I really was , I realized that higher level of education is needed for myself . I discovered my inner aspiration to get a better education . I flew to USA to take the next step to make the dream come true . Also I have been in the States for 17 months now . I again discovered another aspect of diversity here . As a...