What is the best way of maintaining a loving relationship or marriage?

br May 4 , 2007

Research

Relationships and Marriage Relationships and Marriage What is the best way of maintaining a loving relationship or marriage

Many are pessimistic about the future of marriage . One half of all the couples marrying today will end in a divorce . In previous generations it is common to hear that a couple was celebrating their twenty-fifth thirtieth , or even fiftieth wedding anniversary . Will any of the current generation of those in a relationship , celebrate these milestones ? What can these couples do to increase the probability of a long

and satisfying marital relationship Edward A . Dreyfus , Ph D explains (Dreyfus , 1992 ) Despite all of these changes , most people enter marriage carrying with them many of the same beliefs appropriate for the previous traditional marriage . Their consciousness has not caught up with the reality of the times . Hence when they marry they often find that their traditional beliefs are ineffective , leaving them with few guidelines on how to be in a marriage . In to learn more about how people maintain long-term marriages , and what some of the impediments to them might be psychologists went out into the field to learn more

It is true that many couples still go by the old traditional methods when it comes to relationships . Many of these old traditions are based on loyalty and longevity . These ideas in the past kept many couples together , even though there were hardships in the relationship

Psychologist Dr . Howard Markman at the University of Denver (Markman 2005 ) believes that "Love and commitment to the relationship are necessary for a good marriage , but they are not enough . What are needed on top of that , are skills in effective communication and how to handle conflict

Dr . Markman , along with Dr . Clifford Notarius of Catholic University of America , studied 135 about-to-be-married couples "How you handle conflict is the single most important predictor of whether your marriage will survive " according to Dr . Markman . These researchers found that certain behavior patterns usually signaled an impending collapse in the marriage

1 . When either partner -- although it is most often the male -- withdraws from conflict

2 . The tendency to escalate conflict in the face of disagreement and the inability to stop fights before they get ugly

3 . The tendency to invalidate the relationship by hurling insults at each other . Dr . Markman says "one 'zinger ' counteracts 20 positive acts of kindness " You should note that neither Wallerstein nor Markman say that we should avoid conflict . Conflict in marriage is inevitable . How we deal with conflict is the important issue . Part 2 of this series on "Making Your Marriage Work " will offer some practical , research based suggestions for enhancing your marriage

Psychologist , Dr . Judith S . Wallerstein (Wallerstein , 1996 , co-author of The Good Marriage : How and Why Love Lasts , identified nine "psychological tasks " as the pillars on which any marital relationship rests 1 . Separate emotionally from one 's childhood so as to invest fully in the marriage and , ate the same time , to redefine the...