Personal Memoir

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Personal Memoir

Our biggest fear is not that we are inadequate . Our biggest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure ' This was an all power quote by the president of South Africa , Nelson Mandela . The latter was a personality , I personally felt compelled to bestow him . He must have thought about mankind . He must have been closer to God than any other man . He must be immortal ! I always thought to myself . He seemed to have such an understanding for the other beings that

only God could grant the power to . I had fallen in love with him , with his wise choice of words . These words were engraved in my heart and on my mind as I took in every word slowly and approvingly . I was only eight years old when I innocently came across this five work of the brain , a great person 's brain . Was really innocent ? I may have been so young to understand anything about life , this life that we don 't ask for . This mysterious journey to an unknown place that you got to undertake once you land in the world . I had no idea the other side of life bitterness , hate , betrayal , jealousy , poverty , pain and death . Only paradise was known to me . There was one demon in me that I could not shake off . The sometimes undesirable will to have everything your way Fortunately for me , inadequacy had never been my biggest fear . I had always had the notion of power within me . The fact that I was powerful beyond measure worsened otherwise acceptable situations . Realization that I could conquer everything that came my way increased my class-mindedness

Mum and dad on the other had had their ideas about me . Dad was a man that no one could dare question . Being an eminent man , he demanded respect from young and old alike . Sometimes even fear . He had this sort of crashing finality about what he wanted done and how . It was something that we were born already grasping . If anyone thought that mum was anything else was right . Mum was worse ! Both would have their children 's lives planned out . Everybody had their future before even getting there . There was not fear of the unknown . There was no fear of failure . There was no fear of ever getting anything less lucky parents Everything seemed to fall into place for them . There was no struggle for anything . There was not even the need for concern . The thought never occurred to them . Why should it ? Everything was so peaceful , so tranquil , nothing evil could find its way in their well thought and planned ideas . No one had ever been the black sheep ' for generations unknown . This called for presumption . The crazy nation about hell and heaven in a land different from what we are never had space in our family lives . There was not other way about that . It consisted of angels ! No one ever did wrong . Children conformed to their parents and elders wishes . I had ever visited people who lived in poverty . That was hell to me

It is sad how nature and fate tend to twist themselves . I was now seventeen years old . Already a full blown woman . Things may just as well be happening to me the way I had foreseen them . Not in the way my iron-twisted parents saw them . But the way that was my own . The little dark secret that is only known to you . I was now on the range of plunging into dreams so as to make them real . There was no way four options could all fair . There was this patriotism that had found its way into my heart . Always thought about being something that would see my country benefit . My greatest passion , modeling . This would see my country represented in beauty pageants against other countries . I had the strongest conviction that I would take home the crown . The thought of being an air hostess had continually nagged me . Thought I would be too passive . How about being a fire fighter ? I would always risk my life in to save others . Better still , why wouldn 't I join the military ? That 's how diversified my ideas were . They are times in life when you have to get what you want regardless of the near impossibilities . The alacrity to achieve your desires should never diminish . I was all ready to advice my folks to let me pursue the object that would bring me happiness . This had always been my secret source of strength you either win or win ' I was adamant . Had to get my way

I may just as well have been at my father 's feet beseeching him of what he would have wanted me to do . It was already known to me . Sometimes the wildness and the beckon of being your own self is too strong overwhelming

If you know , that you are not likely to be condemned , you had better be careful the ground you are trudging on . As was expected , I studied business in school . One thing I was good at for sure . Mum and dad had no doubt that I would take over the family business that had by now become a conglomerate . It had been in the family for generations and it was only expected that I would be taking over the mantle from my dad and perpetuate it . Too sad that it had never been my passion . It was still too early to let my intentions known . There was so much love lost between my dad and I . He had never known me to be contumacious . Fear began to slowly deep into me . Time was running out . I will no longer be able to shut up

Having made up my mind , I visited my first modeling agency . The look was enough to send someone reeling . I felt as though I was renouncing my rights but the stern look did not put me off . Remember that I was all-powerful beyond measures . After all was not the only agency I had set myself out to visit

It had never occurred to me that I would be my own worst enemy and that I would sell myself out . They say that you should keep your friends close and your enemies even closer . I was always with myself ! Had I seen raised eyebrows ? Was that cynicism ? Could that be a smile ? I seemed to hit it off immediately with this new lady . I seemed to be everything that al the others models were not . This was indication that I would state off to quite a high note . A job had just got its way into my hands

The hardest part would be breaking the news to my parents . I have always had the sixth sense but then on this day it jus wasn 't aware of what lay ahead . Had I known then I would have wasted my time replaying the conversation that I had hoped to have with my father in my head The decision to arrive home earlier than usual was a rather good idea at that time . Surprise ! Dad was already there ! The air in the room felt changed . Everybody sat spell-bound . Dad 's eyes communicated animosity The word had leaked out to my dad . So mum and my just new employer were on a fist . Name basis friendship . She had just called to congratulate mum but found herself having to explain in the first place what she was talking about . She new me all right . Oh ! What with the name and the many parties that she attended at our place . I must have seen her several times but what with the ignorance and having to meet new people everyday . Of course no one can remember everyone that they meet

There was nothing I could do about it . I was twenty-two years old and already qualified to be a model . Dad was going to be barrier . It was known to me that he would never allow me to relinquish the right to be the next chief executive officer of Scotts and Scotts Company in exchange for a modeling career . I was beat . I decided to do as father wanted but I made a resolution to myself . The dreams that I had would one day come to pass . Even if not through me but I had to see them come to pass either way , the idea of giving up all together was unknown to me . The only good idea I had was for my children to live my dream for me

Quite often I found myself reminiscing . Saw myself as the little eight years old who had the determination to conquer all and be what I always wanted to be . One thing that I would not allow to happen is to let my dream die . Someone had to live it

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