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Paper Topic:

Jerry Maguire with Interpersonal Communication

Chapter 2

Self arises in communication and is a multidimensional process that involves internalizing and acting from social perspectives

Self is multidimensional

Physical self beliefs about our appearance , size , and strength

Cognitive self beliefs about our intelligence and aptitude

Emotional self beliefs about our affect /feelings

Social self beliefs about how we are with others social roles

Moral self ethical and spiritual beliefs

Self is a process

our definition and presentation of self is ongoing

Our definition and presentation of self varies over the life course

We internalize

and act from social perspectives

.1 . Communication with particular others (family , peers , teachers ) is a major influence on how we see ourselves

Direct definition explicitly tells us who we are by labeling us or our behavior

Reflected appraisal is another 's view of us we internalize evaluations

1 . uppers communicate positively about us and reflect positive appraisals of our worth

2 . Downers communicate negatively about us and our worth , putting down our dreams and goals

Vultures attack our self-concept , finding and exploiting weak spots

Identity scripts are rules for living and identity

Attachment styles are patterns of parenting that teach us who we are and how to approach relationships

Secure attachment : Consistent attentive and loving responses lead to positive self-worth and positive views of others

Fearful attachment : negative , rejecting , abusive communication leads to a view of oneself as unlovable and a view of others as rejecting

Dismissive attachment : disinterested , rejecting , abusive style leads to positive view of self , but low regard for others and relationships

Anxious /ambivalent attachment style : inconsistent treatment leads do a view of oneself as a source of problems , as unlovable , and as deserving of abuse

The generalized other (societal communication ) influences self-concept

Others with internalized cultural values pass views on to us in interaction

The generalized other conveys messages about race , gender , sexual orientation , and social class

We use social comparison to see how our talents , abilities , and qualities measure up to others

Media and institutions communicate cultural values , rules , roles , and attitudes of society

Chapter 9

Interpersonal conflict exists when people who depend on each other express different views , interests , or goals and perceive their views as incompatible

It is not conflict if we do not recognize disagreement or if we do not express disagreement directly or indirectly

Interpersonal conflict only occurs between people who affect each other

Conflict involves tensions between goals , preferences , or decisions that we feel need to be reconciled

Wood identifies five basic principles of conflict

Conflict is a natural , normal , and inevitable in interpersonal relationships

Conflict doesn 't make a relationship unhealthy , but how conflict is handled can be unhealthy

Our attitudes regarding conflict are influenced by family scripts

Conflict may be overt or covert

Passive aggressive behavior is a covert form of conflict that is ineffective and dishonest

Games are also ineffective , dishonest ways of doing conflict

Social groups impact our conflict behaviors and meanings

Conflict can be managed well and it can be managed poorly

To manage conflict well , we need to identify feelings

After identifying our feelings , we need to express them well (e .g , use I- language

Conflict can be good for individuals and relationships

Research shows no link between number of arguments and marital happiness

Instead , having proportionally more positive interactions than negative ones is the key to happiness

There are three orientations to conflict , all of which can be appropriate to some relationship and situations

The lose-lose orientation assumes that conflict results in losses for everyone and is , therefore , unhealthy and destructive

The win-lose orientation assumes that one person wins at the expense of another

The win-win orientation assumes that there are ways to resolve differences so that everyone gains

There are four responses to conflict that reflect our basic orientations (lose-lose , etc

The exit response involves physically or psychologically withdrawing

The neglect response denies or minimizes problems , anger , tension ,or other matters that could lead to overt conflict

The loyalty response involves staying committed despite differences

Loyalty is passive and tends to be constructive in the short time

Loyalty is associated with lose-lose

The voice response addresses conflict directly and attempts to resolve it

Voice is active and constructive

Voice is associated with win- win

Specific kinds of communication can foster or impede effective conflict

Unproductive conflict communication patterns reflect a preoccupation with self and a disregard for the other

In the early stages of a conflict , unproductive communication is characterized by a failure to confirm the other , cross- complaining , and mindreading

As conflict continues , unproductive communication is characterized by kitchensinking and interruption

In the later stages of conflict , unproductive communication is characterized by counterproposals , self-summarizing , and excessive metacommunication

Constructive conflict communication patterns create positive climates that increase the possibility of resolving conflicts without harming relationships

In the early stages of conflict , constructive communication is characterized by appropriate listening , confirmation , and a lack of mindreading

As conflict continues , constructive communication is marked by agenda building , bracketing , infrequent interruption , perception checking , and the assertion of our won needs and feelings

In the later stages of conflict , constructive communication is characterized by dual perspective and contracting

In to have constructive conflict , Wood suggests eight communication skills

Focus on relationship , not just content meanings

Communicate supportively

Listen mindfully

Use I-language to take responsibility for your feelings , thought , and issues

Check perception via paraphrasing

Acknowledge points of agreement

Consider each person 's face avoid having others feel defeated stupid or embarrassed

Imagine and respond to the future

Wood offers five general closing thoughts

Remember the connection between conflict and the larger whole

Time conflict effectively

Aim for win-win

Honor yourself , the other , and your relationship

Show grace

Chapter 8

Interpersonal climate is the overall feeling or emotional mood between people

Interpersonal communication influences interpersonal climate

Interpersonal climate influences interpersonal communication

Satisfying , close relationships are characterized by investment commitment , trust , and comfort with relational dialectics

Investments are the irretrievable things ( e .g , time , energy , thought feelings ) that we put into relationships

Commitment is a decision to remain with a relationship , even during inevitable hard times

Trust involves believing in another 's reliability to do what is promised and look out for our welfare and relationship

Self- disclosure builds and reflects trust

Self- disclosure is revealing personal information about ourselves that others are unlikely to discover in other ways

Relational dialectics are opposing forces or tensions that are normal parts of relationships

There are three main relational dialectics

Autonomy /Connection is a relational dialectic focused wanting both independence and interdependence

Novelty / Predictability is a relational dialectic focused on wanting both routine and new experiences

Opennes / Closedness is a relational dialectic focused on expressiveness and privacy

2 . Partners deal with relational dialectics in our main ways

a . Neutralization involves negotiating a balance in which each need is met to some extent , but neither is met fully

b . Selection , the least effective response , gives priority to one dialectical need and neglects the other

c . Separation assigns dialectical needs to certain spheres of interaction

d . Reframing redefines needs as not in opposition

III . Satisfying , close relationships (characterized by investment commitment , trust and management of dialectics ) produce confirming interpersonal climates and confirming interpersonal climates produce satisfying , close relationships

Confirming is essentially valuing

We can confirm (or disconfirm ) at three levels

The first level of confirmation is recognizing that another person exists

The second level of communication is acknowledging what another person feels , thinks , or says

The third level of confirmation is endorsing another 's feelings or thoughts as valid

Six types of communication promote supportive /defensive climates that make us feel confirmed or disconfirmed

Evaluative communication tends to produce defensiveness descriptive communication tends to produce a supportive climate

Certainty (absolute , dogmatic language ) tends to produce defensiveness provisionalism (openness to other points of view ) tends to produce a supportive climate

Strategic communication (manipulation , deception ) tends to produce a defensive climate spontaneity (unpremeditated communication ) tends to produce a supportive climate

Control (imposing view on others ) tends to produce defensiveness problem orientation (finding a mutually acceptable solution ) tends to produce a supportive climate

Neutrality (detachment ) tends to produce defensiveness empathy tends to produce a supportive climate

Superiority tends to produce defensiveness equality tends to produce a supportive climate

CHAPTER 7

Emotions (i .e , feelings ) influences / are expressed in interpersonal communication

Emotions are expressed verbally and nonverbally

To communicate well ,we must develop skill in identifying and expressing in which situations

Emotional intelligence is also the ability to recognize which feelings are appropriate in which situations

Emotional intelligence is also the ability to communicate appropriate feelings effectively

Emotions are processes shaped by physiology , perceptions , language , and social experience

The organismic view of emotion drew attention to physiological stimuli

The perceptual view of emotion drew attention to perceptions shaping what external stimuli mean to us

The cognitive labeling view of emotion drew attention to language 's influence on how we interpret and respond to events

The interactive view of emotion proposes that social rules and understandings shape what we feel and how we do or do not express feelings

Framing rules define the emotional meaning of situations

Feeling rules tell us what we have a right to feel or what we are expected to feel in a situation

Emotion work is the effort to generate what we thing are appropriate feelings in particular situations

There are four main reasons that we may not express our emotions

Social expectations may discourage feelings and expression of feelings

Vulnerability to judgment , rejection , or sabotage my discourage expression of feelings

A desire to protect others may lead us to not express feelings

Social and professional roles may make some emotional expressions inappropriate

There are three ways in which we ineffectively communicate emotions

We express ourselves in generalities that do not make our feelings later

We disown responsibility for our feelings

We rely on counterfeit emotional language

Chapter 6

Listening is a major part of the communication process

We spend at least 50 of our waking time listening

Not listening effectively means we are communicating poorly about 1 /2 the time

Listening is not the same as hearing

Hearing is physiological , occurring when sound waves hit our eardrums

Listening is an active , complex process that consists of being mindful hearing , selecting and organizing information , interpreting communication , responding , and remembering

Mindfulness is choosing to be fully present in the moment

Hearing is physically receiving messages , a prerequisite to listening

Selecting and organizing information involves the perception processes discussed in chapter 3

Interpreting involves taking a dual perspective in to understand others ' perceptions of selves , others , and situations

Responding is communicating attention and interest

Remembering is retaining what you have heard

Chapter 4

Language is powerful

Language shapes meaning , identity , relationships and activities

Language can create change

All language symbolic and symbols are arbitrary , ambiguous , and abstract

Language is arbitrary means that words are not intrinsically connected to what they represent

Language is ambiguous means that meanings of words are not clear-cut or fixed

Language is abstract means that words are not things

There are four principles of verbal communication

Language and culture reflect each other

Cultural values are produced by language

Language reflects cultural values

Meanings of language are subjective

Language use is rule-guided

We share regulative rules that specify when , how , where , and with whom to talk about certain things

We share constitutive rules that tell us how to interpret communication

Rules are often unconscious , but made evident when violated

Punctuation shapes meaning

Punctuation refers to how we define the beginning and ending of an interaction

Different punctuation leads to very different meanings for what is happening

Symbolic activities impact our lives in five ways

Language defines experiences , people , feelings , and thoughts

We label people with language

We label experiences in relationships with language

Language evaluates

Language is not neutral

Language casts judgment and can be loaded or even hateful

Language organizes perceptions

Language allows hypothetical thought

Thinking hypothetically allows us to plan , dream , remember , set goals consider alternatives , and imagine possibilities

Close relationships rely on ideas of past and present

Hypothetical thinking allows personal growth

Language allows self- reflection

Language allows us to monitor our communication

Language allows us to manage our image

Speech communities share norms about how to use talk and what purpose it serves

Speech communities are not defined by geography , but by shared understandings regarding communication

Gender has received much research attention as a speech community

Interaction in games teaches boys and girls different understandings of why , when , and how to talk

Communication rules learned in childhood are evident in adult communication

Differences between men and women are a matter of degree

Not all women follow feminine ' rules of communication and not all men follow masculine ' rules of communication

Socialization into different gender speech communities accounts for misunderstanding

Chapter 3

I . Several factors influence our perception process

A . Physiology influences our perception

B . Age influences our perception

C . Culture influences our perception

D . Social roles influence our perception

E . Cognitive abilities influence our perception

1 . Cognitive complexity , the number of bipolar dimensions along which we can make judgments , shapes perception

2 . Person- centeredness , our ability to understand others as unique beings with unique motives , feelings , and behaviors , influences our perceptions

? 3 . Our ability to empathize influences perception

F . Understanding of ourselves coming out of interpersonal communication influences perception

Jerry Maguire examples

?female support system /conflict with her sister

LAUREL : All I 'm saying . You don 't have the luxury of falling for some drowning

man . Be practical . Now . Which top (Laurel holds up two tops DOROTHY : Okay , you want to talk about practical ? Let 's talk about my wonderful life

Do you know what most other women my age are doing right now ? They are

partying in clubs , trying to act stupid , trying to get a man , trying to keep a man

not me . I 'm trying to RAISE a man

(She grabs the sexier top , and puts it on

DOROTHY (continuing ) I 've got a 24 hour a day reminder of Roger , for the rest of my

life . I have had three lovers in four years , all boring , all achingly self- sufficient , all friends of yours I might add , and all of them running a distant second to a warm bath . Look at me , Laurel , look at me . I 'm the oldest 26 year old in the world ! How do I look

LAUREL : Good

DOROTHY : Thanks

Example 2 (conflict with her son

DOROTHY ?Okay , have we gone over everything ? Back on Tuesday , right

JERRY : Yep . Have a good time at school , Ray . Wish me luck

DOROTHY / RAY : Luck

(Jerry nods and exits ?They watch as Jerry inches into the crowded airport

Obscuring their view of Jerry , enters another couple , who embrace and their

small daughter says sweet goodbye . We linger on Dorothy and Ray as they both watch in silence and think of the kind of goodbye they didn 't get They look at each other , communicating volumes . They pull back into traffic

Dialogue 1 showed that the main character needed her sister 's support when she invited Jerry Maguire for the first time . By turning to her sister , Dorothy , was looking for some form of validation that what she was about to do is right . Dorothy was also using her sister , Laurel as a sounding board for her own doubts and fears

This dialogue relates to the course concept of communication climate Dorothy tells her sister how difficult it is to be a single mother . This proves that Dorothy trusts Laurel because she used self-disclosure Self-disclosure is revealing personal information about one 's self that others are unlikely to discover on their own . Dorothy considers Laurel as an important supporter because she can open up or talk about anything with her sister

Laurel is a female supporter of Dorothy . At the same time , they both had a conflict over their self-concepts . Conflict is natural , normal , and inevitable in any interpersonal relationship . This conflict arose because their perceptions were different from each other

When Dorothy said , I am trying to raise a man ' this shows that she acknowledges her social self . Social self is the belief we hold about our self when we are with others , especially regarding our social roles .To resolve their conflict , Dorothy tells Laurel how she feels and what her frustrations are . She used I- language to clarify what she wanted to tell Laurel . This was a good opportunity to resolve the conflict By using the I-language , Dorothy takes responsibility for everything that she was saying instead of blaming everything on anyone else

Laurel 's perception was different from Dorothy 's . She thinks that Dorothy is acting irresponsibly and putting Ray at a disadvantage because she invited a man over to her house . But Dorothy knows she is not being irresponsible , so she told her sister that she knows her role as a single mother . She then compares herself to other women in the same situation

Also throughout this dialogue , both women reveal their emotions Emotions are the feelings that are expressed during interpersonal communication . Laurel is worried about her sister and tries to be protective while Dorothy struggles with single motherhood and her desire for more freedom from responsibility

In the end , Dorothy told her sister , Look at me Laurel , Look at me .How do I look ' Then Laurel responded , Good ' This shows the win-lose orientation of the conflict . When Laurel said Good , it showed that she is giving up her argument and is letting Dorothy do whatever she wants

This relates to the course concept of the self as an internalization and action from social perspectives . Dorothy`s communication with her sister Laurel regarding the idea of inviting Jerry Maguire into her house shows how our family members can be major influences on how we perceive ourselves

Laurel presents her reflected appraisal of Dorothy 's decision downing ' it as irresponsible considering that Dorothy is raising a child . Laurel also downs the idea of Dorothy seeing Jerry Maguire , which she refers to him as a drowning man who her sister should not fall for

In the latter part of the excerpt , Dorothy uses a social comparison to show the difference between her devotion to single motherhood and the seemingly reckless abandonment of other single women . She elaborates by discussing how women her age get to have a lot more fun than she does because she is limited by her responsibilities to her son . Aside from lack of social freedom , she also mentions that she does not have the security of a good , providing husband that other mothers have

During the last part of the excerpt , after ranting about how hard life has been for her and how she looks old for her age , Dorothy seeks Laurel 's confirmation on her physical appearance by asking how she looked . This showed Dorothy 's social self and her need for approval which was fortunately satisfied by Laurel 's answer , good ' which she subsequently affirmed by saying , thanks

In dialogue 2 , although there was no apparent conflict between Dorothy and Ray , it can be said that the conflict was definitely implied . It was a good example of what we learned in our course concept of non-verbal silence

Both characters did not attempt to speak while they were watching a complete family say goodbye to each other . When they faced each other again , Ray and Dorothy spoke with their eyes . This showed non-verbal silence at work . This was brought about by Dorothy 's desire to protect Ray from the pain of acknowledging that he lacked a father figure

It also relates to the communication climate . Ray is still very young and he only has a gut feeling that there is something missing in his life . While Dorothy tries to do her best to ensure a good and happy life for her son , she too , realizes that she does not have the ability to give everything that her son needs . This knowledge comes to Dorothy on her own musings and without Ray blaming her at all

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. For a little while it did feel like the three of them are a family until reality proved otherwise

When they saw a happy couple with a little daughter , Dorothy and Ray communicate volumes ' Dorothy , although not to blame , was apologetic that she and Ray were not in the same family situation . Ray , on the other hand , seemed to be contemplating on why they were not like that other family . In their eyes , it could be seen that both were hoping that some day they can too become a normal family

Although it was not explicitly said , Dorothy clearly feels bad that her son does not have a father figure . Even though it was not her fault that her husband died , she feels obliged to find a way to fill that void in her son 's life . Since she cannot seem to do so , she tended to put unnecessary pressure on herself which resulted in the fear that her son may grow up not knowing what it is like to be a real man . It is for this reason of trying to bring a male presence in Ray 's life that she hires a male nanny , Chad , to help her when she is not home ...

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