Communications Theories

Developing Our Interpersonal Relationship through Effective Communication

Dealing with other people can sometimes be complicated , and they sometimes require a lot of work . But by expanding one 's knowledge and learning new skills , any person can improve one 's satisfaction within interpersonal relationships we deal with in our everyday lives . When we talk about interpersonal relationships , interpersonal communication is very vital . Why do people initiate relationships , maintain them , and end them ? What are the motivations for such behavior that would promote enhanced interpersonal communication ? Self-disclosing , using affectionate and supportive communication

, influencing others , and developing a unique relationship are all essential concepts that need to be considered . Although interpersonal communication is challenging , it is vital that we should learn some theories in communication so that we will know how to improve our communication in interpersonal relationships

For example , Nick and Cynthia are married for 25 years and they were asked the secret to a lasting relationship . They hesitate a little before answering . Both say that they don 't think there 's a magical formula to a successful relationship but , rather , that a deep , lasting relationship requires good communication and a lot of hard work . They talk about how they thought their first date would be their last , but they 're thankful that it wasn 't . Nick and Cynthia think one reason they 've stayed together so long is the rituals they 've established through the years . For example , they dubbed Saturday nights their night out together , when they 're both at work they talk to each other on the phone at least once during the day , and each year they celebrate their wedding anniversary by going away together for a weekend . Another factor has been their ability to adapt to changing roles within the family . For example , when Marla got a big promotion at work , Jess took on more responsibilities at home . But the most important factor has been their ability to communicate effectively with each other . The result is a more meaningful relationship than either could have imagined back on their first date

However , every communication process in interpersonal relationships is not always easy like what Nick and Cynthia had developed . Conversations among people can be difficult . Stone , Patton , and Heen (1999 ) suggest that difficult conversations may be subdivided into the components of what happened ' feelings ' and identity ' The what happened part of the conversation centers on differences in perception interpretations , and values . This part of the conversation is not about facts or the truth , but about perceptions . We verbalize what we believe really was said and done . In the feelings ' portion , we communicate and acknowledge the emotional impact that each person holds . Finally , in identity ' the communicators express the situation 's underlying personal meaning

An example may clarify these three components of difficult conversations . Imagine that Cynthia , after a long night of partying tells Nick that she would really like to be free to date others . Nick will be very troubled by the statement and plan on a conversation in which they talk about the comment and the events of the entire evening Nick will decide that he will share that Cynthia believes that she was drinking too much and flirting with everyone at the club . Nick also is not sure if she remembers her comments after the long evening . Nick 's verbalization of what Cynthia believe was said and done forms the what happened ' part of the conversation . When Nick adds his acknowledgment of how he felt , he is adding the feelings ' part of the conversation Finally , when Nick expresses his perception of the underlying meaning of her behavior for him , Nick has engaged in the identity ' portion of the conversation . Of course , conversations are not monologues and Cynthia may have different perceptions about each of the three elements in this difficult conversation

This is why , in interpersonal communication , the relationship between knowledge and behavior is complex and not always a matter of the former ultimately affecting the latter . For example , cognitive dissonance theory predicts that behavior may precede knowledge because a person making a choice may seek information that helps rationalize the choice Not surprisingly , people often do not behave in ways predictable by knowledge levels , according to available evidence (Hornik , 1989

A classic example for this theory is the cigarette smokers , who often choose to continue even when they know the health risks . For example when Nick had developed a smoking habit and Cynthia had always had an aversion to the smell of cigarettes . This will serve as a dissonance to their relationship . When Nick wants to talk with Cynthia after he had a smoke , her wife will definitely refuse to talk with him because Cynthia hates the stink of cigarettes . When Cynthia would remind Nick of the dangers of smoking , there is a great chance that Cynthia would sound like nagging - and men usually hates women who are antagonistic . In both parties , dissonance is a factor that would prevent them to communicate effectively . The Cognitive Dissonance Theory tends to stress the influence of additional factors on the knowledge-behavior relation ranging from the psychological characteristics of individuals to social influences to the structural characteristics of communities

Aside from social influences , economic forces also tend to affect interpersonal communication . In this scenario , the Social Exchange Theory is the appropriate explanation because it is based on the premise that people view their relationships in economic terms , considering the costs and rewards in their relationships . As rational beings , people seek out more rewards than costs , and this balance affects relationship satisfaction . Furthermore , people evaluate their relationships based on a comparison level (i .e , the standard they feel they should be receiving in terms of costs and rewards ) as well as on a comparison level for alternatives (i .e , the rewards they think are available in other relationships . The theory assumes that people can make rational choices about how to maintain their relationships based on costs and rewards . However , in most cases , it is not just one relational partner making choices about the relationship (Segrin 2001 ,

. 79 . Both individuals simultaneously make choices . In the previous example , Nick and Cynthia chose to stay together and recognized the importance of the rapport they 've established through the years . That is the main reason why they have effective communication that enhanced their interpersonal relationship

Indeed , good marriage also entails good communication . Burr , Leigh , Day and Constantine (1979 ) had suggested that Symbolic Interaction Theory provides a more elegant and simpler explanation of the findings regarding premarital predictors of marital satisfaction . They suggested that the premarital factors were best conceptualized as indicators of the quality of role enactment , which they defined as how well a person performs a role relative to the expectations for the role (p .58 . Burr and his colleagues contributed three important pieces to the theorizing First , they suggested that understanding the partner 's quality of role enactment as well as ego 's quality of role enactment was important for understanding self 's marital satisfaction . Second , they added an idea concerning consensus about relevant role expectations , and suggest that consensus about how roles are to be performed is an important antecedent of marital satisfaction . Third , they clearly called for multivariate analyses and suggested that some factors are going to be more strongly related than others in a different situation . Indeed , for Nick and Cynthia , they both value the meaning of the rituals ' they have established through the years . When people are motivated to act based on the meanings they assign to people , things , and events , Nick and Cynthia created meanings in their private communication , using a language that only both of them use in private thought

Moreover , what should a communicator do to make communication effective Stone , Patton , and Heen (1999 ) suggest that the greatest mistake that people make in conversations is assuming that they are right and the other person is wrong . The second error that many people make is that they do not ask enough questions they advocate instead of inquire Third , people assume that rationality is essential and that feelings are irrelevant . How can we improve difficult conversations ? The authors recommend that people know their purpose and that that purpose should be forward-looking . What is the solution or action that you wish to see Having a conversation because you want to vent , because you are upset or because you simply think you should talk is not a sufficient or futuristic goal . Second , conversationalists should also consider the reaction the other person might have so they are not thrown off balance Finally , people should recognize that conversations are often difficult but that difficult conversations are inevitable

If we wish to improve our communication within our interpersonal relationships , it is important that we must have a commitment to learning a variety of communication skills . We must understand the importance of perceptual differences among people , the role of self-concept in communication , the nature of verbal language , and the role of nonverbal communication . The theories like Symbolic Interaction Cognitive Dissonance and the Social Exchange could also be kept in perspective because these will enable us to know if our message has been effectively communicated . Also , we must be willing to share ourselves with others as we self-disclose , and we must be willing to attempt to understand other people through careful and conscientious listening . In addition , we must recognize that even when you thoroughly understand these concepts and are able to implement them in our behavior , or else our interactions with others may not be successful . Communication is dependent on the interaction between two communicators , and one person cannot guarantee its success . Thus , we need not only improve our communication skills to improve our interpersonal relationships , but we also need to keep in mind of how our message is delivered by developing behavioral flexibility

References

Burr , W . R , Leigh , G . K , Day , R . D Constantine , J (1979 Symbolic Interaction and the Family . Pp . 42-111 in W .R . Burr , R . Hill , F I . Nye I .L . Reiss (Eds , Contemporary Theories about the Family (Vol . 2 . New York : Free

Hornik , R (1989 . Channel Effectiveness in Development Communication Programs . In Public Communication Campaigns (Second Edition , R . Rice and C . Atkin , eds . Beverly Hills , CA : Sage

Segrin , C (2004 . Family Communication . Mahwah , NJ , USA : Lawrence Erlbaum Associates , Incorporated

Stone , D , Patton , B Heen , S (1999 . Difficult Conversations : How to Discuss What Matters Most . New York : Viking

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